This is great…and so sad. Nicely written

This is great…and so sad. Nicely written

So sad, especially the fake smile, the knowing look, and the loss of the only person “he” had left in the world.

awe, this is so sad. i wonder what was wrong with his mother… cancer maybe?

Lovely. I’d give it 5 stars except that “like a fish out of water” strikes me as an ill-chosen simile here. Yes, fish can’t breathe out of water like the dying woman can’t, but the phrase “fish out of water” has such a strong idiomatic meaning of “someone in an situation that is unfamiliar to them” that it really takes away from the moment. Can you find another, similarly poetic, simile to use there?

Thanks for all of the comments. They are really appreciated!

I think I now addressed what was wrong with his mother, as well as the weak simile that I had chosen (didn’t think I would get called out on it, although now I’m not so sure about my use of commas in the ‘eternal minute’ sentence)

Thanks.