Max was sitting at his favorite table, in his favorite diner, on his favorite night of the week. Bliss.

Suddenly, there was someone sitting opposite him.

He was ready to protest, but stopped himself when he saw the wide smile on her face. She looked like she had just stepped out of a fairy tale book.

“Hi!” she beamed, tilting her head to the side. “I have many names, but you can just call me Crystal Diamond Diane Sykes DeBurgh – short for Mary Sue.”

Max promptly shut his mouth, and leaned back into the couch, hoping to disappear. “Uh…I’m Max…”

“Yeah, I know!” Mary Sue beamed again, her tone chirpy. “I have been watching you for years now, and my unrequited love for you nearly tore me apart.”

Max blinked.

“I was dying on the inside when you went out with Kylie.”

Last time I checked, Kylie was still my girlfriend…

“I had a terrible childhood as an orphan – I was beaten and left to die, but against all odds, I arose and persevered.”

Max blinked, again.

Run, his brain said.

And so he did.