I hate lust.

I hate being a teen.

I hate how I feel.

I hate myself.

I am afraid.

.

I told someone a secret. It was a big one, something i’m afraid of people knowing. The second I told her, my stomach dropped. It happened four days before hand too. My stomach dropped in a whole new way though. It wasn’t just any feeling of defeat or depression or unease.

I wanted to die.

I’ve never wanted to die like that before. I was ready to kill myself then. I didn’t like it at first.

We talked about that secret for a little while. Their choice of words didn’t help me at all. I wanted to die more and more. My mind raced. She was going to tell someone, they would tell someone, the word would spread. My life would be crushed.

Maybe I wouldn’t have had these fears though, if maybe my “friends” would just have kept their damn mouths shut. There is nothing in the world like being proven wrong. Nothing like finding out the people you trust don’t care enough about you to keep what you tell them to themselves.