I listed all the things I’ve ever done wrong to the group.

I broke my ex’s heart.

I make Hilary sad with my affection.

I couldn’t keep the secret that Ashley made me promise to keep.

I fight and argue with Alex all the time.

I can’t find it in me to trust Katie.

Ashley stopped. She said “no don’t.” And I continued. It was true.

I was more of a nuisance than anything.

I should be alone.

I shouldn’t coexist with people. I shouldn’t talk to them, interact with them, because all I cause is bother. I don’t help, I hinder.

She told me to stop, but I ignored her.

I apologized again. I apologized because I couldn’t make it up to her.

I apologized for bothering her in the first place.

She told me to stop. She recanted the things she had said before. She took back that all the drama stems from me. That all I am is a nuisance. She told me that I am a nice guy, that I am funny and enjoyable at the table.

I told her I wasn’t any of those things. I was not worthy.

It was the first time I got that feeling.