If this is getting confusing, let me explain. On my eight birthday, when I was showing considerable physical and mental skill in pretty much everything I tried, two strange men came to the door. I know them now as Mike and Brady, two of the nicest Secret Service officers that the president employs, but then I knew them as some strange guys that were totally ruining my birthday by telling me that I was going to a new school.

This “new school” turned out to be an academy for training undercover security guards. Once I got over the shock or learning that most Dolley Madison had acually been a trained super-spy-hitman-combo, I did really well. Exceptionally well. And due to a combination of my kung-fu powers and my stunning resemblance to the president’s 10-year-old daughter- well, you can guess what happened.