Comments on cause I love you. by keepbreathing

Bartimaeus

mmmm so sweet =) I love couples that can just kiss to stop fighting haha
- Posted 2009-01-12 06:00:20.
Bartimaeus

mmmm so sweet =) I love couples that can just kiss to stop fighting haha
- Posted 2009-01-12 06:00:20.
Wyatt Aapr

Your story is nice. The first paragraph could use a little work tho. In dialogue you don’t need “he sneered” or “she screeched” and when she said “Oh, so sorry…..” Your words alone tell us she was sarcastic you don’t need to tell us she was. Nice overall job tho.
- Posted 2009-01-12 06:00:20.
keepbreathing

I appreciate the critique wyatt, but I think changing it would kinda take something away from the meaning I intended for it to have. (:
- Posted 2009-01-12 06:00:20.