The idea behind this sounds interesting, but it will never be interesting to the reader unless some things are changed. First, paragraph separation with double-spaces. No “tab” button on ficlets.
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Next, pick one tense and stay with it. If you’re going to use “said” in one sentence (past tense), don’t switch to “awakens” (present) and then back to past.
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Finally, make it read like a good narrative, with good, complete sentences that vary. Instead, this almost reads like a spoken summary.

Sorry if I come off harsh, but I, myself, love it when people point out how I could improve my flaws. There’s always room, you just need people to help you find it.

I think its a nice start but wish that you had gone into more detail. Also, more paragraph seperation would be nice. Overall a good Ficlet!

3 Stars