“What do you mean, ‘It’s Canada’?” Seth asked.

“These aliens. Did they arrive in a tri-lobed spaceship?”

“Yes.”

“Wearing red and white body armor?”

“How did you-”

“And did they sound really laid back when they demanded Sammy?”

“What’s happening?” Seth wailed.

“Look, I’ll try to summarize as quickly as I can,” I said as I pulled a box of bullets out of my desk and began loading the magazine of my ArmaLite AR-15. “Back in 1812, the Nation of Delaware-”

“Wait- the Nation of Delaware?”

“That’s the secret true name of the United States,” I said.

Seth’s eyes bulged.