I continued.

“Originally, there were two British colonies in North America: Delaware and Canada. Canada got all the good land and cheap beer from Britain, while Delaware got… well, it had Delaware and most of New Jersey, for whatever that’s worth, and they were forced to make their own beer because they’d lost a bet during the reign of King George II. Domestic beers weren’t any better then, either.

“In 1775, an irate and sober Delaware resident named George Washington declared Delaware’s independence and war on Canada. The British didn’t care much about the former, but the latter went very badly and Delaware ended up the size of… Delaware.”

“This is all wrong,” Seth babbled.

“So, in 1812, George’s son, James, who was even crazier than his dad, changed his name to ‘President Madison’ and took up arms. This time, to everyone’s surprise, he took over nearly half the North American continent. The Brits were too tied up with Napoleon to even notice until 1904.”

“This isn’t making sense-” Seth whined.