Little flat friend

“Hey buddy”, he said to the nearly flat squirrel, squinting through the haze. “Got a light?”
He chuckled at his own humor, signaling the bartender for a beer.
He was staring at the bottom of his glass when there was a little tug at his elbow. He ignored it till it became a persistent jab.
“Hey” he exclaimed, turning around drunkenly.
“Hey yourself, fella” said the dead squirrel, his flat little face trying gamely to smile. “I have a proposition for you.”

The man shook his head slowly, “Man, I’m so wasted”.
He swiveled around. “I’M WASTED !”, he announced to the room.
There was a smattering of grunts and grumbles but no one even lifted his head.

“Look idiot, I said I have something for you.”

“What, little flat friend, a tire tread?” The man grinned blearily and turned back to his mug. “Talking dead squirrel, HA!”

“I’m special, I can grant wishes. And if you take me home with you I’ll grant you three wishes. The only restriction is they must be totally selfish, no one can benefit from them but you!”

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