“Well… you sure do...” The man struggled, blinking, to focus on the squirrel. “And you’re pretty article… articule… you talk good for a squirrel…” He swiveled his chair and put his face a little too close to his neighbor’s and finished, “dead! A dead squirrel!” Then his face lit up and he continued, “Which reminds me… of… a joke.”

He pushed his finger into his neighbor’s face and looked straight into his eyes and said, “You’re ugly!”

Looking pleased with himself, he turned back to the squirrel, and, quite loudly, delivered the punchline. “Pretty ugly!” and fell off his stool.

As he picked himself up, his neighbor moved a couple stools away and lit a cigarette. “Which reminds me,” the man said, “I still need a light. I wish for… light my cigarette. Squirrel. Please.”

“I can’t grant your wish,” replied the squirrel.

“What? Why (belch) not? That’s… that’s selfish, innit?!?”

“As I said before,” explained the squirrel, sounding utterly collected, “you have to take me home.“