Someone is knocking at your door. There shouldn’t be anyone knocking – the hour, or your location, or both ought to mean you’re alone and not to be bothered. But there it is. Perhaps you’re curious, or frightened. If you live with others, I’m sure you’re assuming the person knocking is a spouse, parent, sibling or roommate. Perhaps you’re expecting some mail or package. Or not.

The person at the door is a dead ringer for British comic Alexei Sayle, circa the early ‘80s when he was on The Young Ones, or maybe slightly after. (In the unlikely event you actually do live with or near Alexei Sayle, this isn’t weird yet, although Alexei is looking remarkably young right now.)

”’Ay,” he says in dense Liverpudlian, “it said not t’ click the bleedin’ link.”

The man who looks and sounds like Alexei Sayle is only the messenger. You still have aproximately nine minutes before it starts.

But something very, very bad is about to happen.