FunEgal hunched over his computer and cackled as he closed Firefox. With great difficulty, he lifted himself out of his seat. He used both hands to leverage himself out of the tiny office chair.

“They oughta make furniture for someone as big, huge and burly as I am,” he said to no one in particular.

He looked around the room. Every wall, lined with shelves. Every shelf, lined with porn. And the best part of it, the part that really got him off was that he hadn’t paid for any of it. It wasn’t enough to own the best porn collection in the city. He was pretty sure he had the best stolen porn collection in the city. And what were the poor victims going to do about it?

“Alright, what did the perp take?”

“Um, some, uh, videos…”

“Any idea what titles? We need that in the report.”

“Um. Dirty Asan Teen Sluts 19, Chicks With… do I really have to tell you?”

“For the report, yes. What was that first one?”

“Nevermind.”

FunEgal looked at his trove, and roared with laughter.