The behemoth was almost as tall as the tower itself, and twice as wide. Its arms stretched out to the ground, gorilla-like, while its legs remained just barely short enough to reach the ground. The skin was like rock and tree bark mixed together to make one rough, cracked dermatologist’s nightmare.

A small squeak emanated from somewhere around its head, throwing off the thought of a rumbling, deep voice. “Suwwender, Bwass Eagle! You cannot escape my impenetwable compound, nor get past the shawks with friggin’ lasers on their backs!”

Brass Eagle sighed and looked at the little man set into the head of the artificial golem. “If you haven’t noticed, I’ve already done both. If you could please stand aside.”

“If you haven’t noticed, Bwass Eagle, I have sheer size on my side! I am appwoximately one hundwed times your size in my golem!”

“And about an eighth my size outside of it,” he muttered, uninterested.

“Why you! You shall come to fear the wath of…Dr. Oblivion!” Lightning crackled.