Hit or Miss (desperate monologue challange)

by MeAndTheMoon

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How did he know I was home alone? How did he know the window would be unlocked? Oh God! Oh God! Why is he breathing so heavy? I have to relax, I have no relax. RELAX ! Oh God! What if I miss? I can’t miss, I won’t miss. This will work. But what if I miss? Oh, God! Stop! I’m going to throw up. What is that noise? We have to be stopping soon. We have to get gas, it was empty. Or was it full? No, it was empty. He has to stop. Oh, God just stop breathing so heavy! What is he thinking? I have to relax. Stop sweating. He has to stop! What is that noise? RELAX ! It’s the ocean, oh God I’m going swimming! Why the ocean? The water! THE WATER ! Sharks,drowning,the cold! I’ve got to relax! If I don’t relax I will miss! I can’t miss. I won’t miss. What if I miss? Oh, God what if I miss? I won’t miss if I just relax. RELAX !

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 4.0 stars out of 5

  1. Hit or Miss (desperate monologue challange)

    Tad Winslow's Buddy Icon Tad Winslow

    Posted 9 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Crazy. I would have liked a little more of the story than repetitious thoughts. You expressed a mind in panick in a very real way though. Intense and on the edge, but I don’t know why and that’s what bothers me. Perhaps it’s a victim of the short ficlet format and the challenge restrictions, and not your fault.

  2. Hit or Miss (desperate monologue challange)

    MeAndTheMoon's Buddy Icon MeAndTheMoon

    Posted 9 months ago

    yea, i wanted more story too but since i had to keep it to the person’s thoughts it was tricky. because when you’re panicking you are never like telling yoruself the story of what’s happening in your head. if i write a sequel it will definitely have more info

  3. Hit or Miss (desperate monologue challange)

    someday_93's Buddy Icon someday_93

    Posted 9 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    I kinda like it, but I agree with Tad that it coulda used a bit more story.
    LoA

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