1.) Your hair tastes like pasta. Mind if I cover it in Prego?

2.) My house is made out of Vienna Sausages.

3.) The government is stealing our DNA while we sleep.

4.) Cats secretly want to kill us.

5.) George W. Bush works for the Taliban

6.) I ignore numeric limitations set in ficlet titles.

7.) One of my hands has banana fingers. Monkeys keep chasing after me.

8.) Skin Torpedo is a legal last name on certain planets.