5 Women I'd Like to Pork: It's a Coffee-Table Book (Historical Edition)

In no particular order:

1. Joan of Arc. ‘Cause crazy chicks are sexy, and ‘cause shagging a Saint appeals to my blasphemous nature.

2. Josephine Baker. Ernest Hemingway called her ” ... the most sensational woman anyone ever saw.” Are you gonna’ argue with Hemingway? Alright then.

3. Calamity Jane. Come on, I can’t be the only one who watched Deadwood and wanted to get into Jane’s buckskin trousers, right? Hello? Anybody?

4. Leni Riefenstahl. I realize this one will be pretty controversial, but frankly, I’m totally running out of names to put on this list. I could always add Cleopatra, but that would just be boring. Everybody wants to do Cleopatra.

5. Mary Magdalene, former party girl with a heart of gold. ‘Cause Monica Bellucci played her in The Passion of the Christ and nobody is hotter than Monica Bellucci. Also, Jesus liked her, and as far as I can tell, Jesus had pretty good taste.

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