Life like a box of doldrums? Overrun by a cavalcade of flesh-eating zombies? Hungry? Worry no more, for the answer to all your problems is in this book! Our 3-step plan will remove the zombies and fill your belly!

1. Head out the door. Don’t stay put. You’re gonna need supplies. Find the nearest store that sells cookware and steal a pizza cutter (if you can’t bring yourself to break the law, call in a favor from your friends. One of them is bound to be a closet kleptomaniac). It’s the ultimate weapon in your battle ahead.

2. Zombie killing time! Go right back out there and use that cutter to slice, dice, and behead. Remember, zombies don’t follow the law, so they’re more than happy to jaywalk, loiter, and trespass on private property. Punish accordingly.

3. Take that fresh, putrefied zombie meat and have a cookout! Invite all your friends (make sure they’re living). Light the bodies and take a hunk! It’s just like chicken!