GADSDEN , Alabama – Memorial services will be held tomorrow for the superhero known as Bob. Bob was famous throughout Gadsden for his special ability to make beards grow faster.

“It used to take me weeks to grow a decent beard. All of that changed when Bob came to town,” said Randy Riddlespur, one of the several Bob fans who was shocked to hear of the heros drowning in a bathtub full of chocolate syrup.

“If he hadn’t been wearing the panda suit, he might still be with us today, ” said The Elbow Macaroni Kid, another local hero, “Chocolate syrup was like his kryptonite.”

Several local heroes are expected to attend the memorial service, which will be held at the Food World parking lot that Bob frequented. Among them are Captain Blue Tongue, Mickey Three-Fist, Homoerotic Hal, Meth Monkey, Doggy-Style Don, Fantastic Stan: The Beer Can Crusher, Constantly Moaning Marty, Captain Pit Stain and The Three-Toed Goth.