Capricorn(Dec 22-Jan 19) Your soul will become a USB key through a freak accident involving a merry-go-round

Aquarius(Jan 20 – Feb 19)You will die violently when you rub your socks on the carpet one time too many

Pisces(Feb 20 – March 20)When you wake up this morning you will have switched bodies with a demented chipmunk on Speed

Aries(March 21 – April 19)You get run over by a bulldozer when a liaison with a gremlin goes horribly wrong

Taurus(April 20– May 20)If I said what will happen to you I’d have to mark this story Mature

Gemini(May 21- June 20)Your Wii will self-destruct from too many hours playing Super Smash Bros

Cancer(June 21- July 22)You will soon go into legend as The Man Who Died From A Childproof Lid

Leo(July 23 – Aug 22)Your cat is the resurrection of Professor Moriarty

Virgo(Aug 23- Sept 22)When the tomatoes come you will be safe in your bunker

Libra(Sept 23-Oct 23)Ouch,That’ll hurt

Scorpio(Oct 24 -Nov 22)Don’t Panic

Sagittarius(Nov 23-Dec 21) You will have a happy and wonderful day